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It seems there was no breath, no heart beat before his heat, nor would there be after. I meet his gaze again and again, his brooding eyes startling in their clarity. And I tell him, ‘This can’t be. Won’t be.’ And he shudders. More fool are we. We blame the pull, the completeness, on desperation. Loneliness. The moon, the tide, anything. Anything at all. But not that. Happiness is something earned and to have anything greater than the knowledge of this man would be more than my life has been worth. But I see his eyes. I know his thoughts. I just pray he learns the fallacy. That, without pain, he learns that I have nothing to offer, nothing to give in return for the beauty he has shown me. I feel his touch again, losing myself to what it brings. And I tell him, ‘It’s skin deep. Simple physical attraction.’ And he closes his eyes. The bind that ties us brings us together even while we deny that it’s there. Static electricity, circumstance. Again, loneliness. But not that. Then I feel. She didn't end persecutions in any way. Shepersecuted all of Marys supports and Catholics across the country coweredin terror. That didn't mean in any way I would be free. No one knew aboutme and Elizabeth had all of Marys attendants and counselors executed.Everyone who knew about my plight was dead. So now no one knew I amreally a man and to try to come out and tell people might be a bad thingfor my life. Actually I can't. My husband won't let me out of his sightand when he's gone, he has his guards keep careful watch over me. Even ifI was allowed out to talk, who would listen to me? If anyone wouldbelieve I was a crossdressed man with a husband, what would they do to methem? I don't know, but a chopping block or a session with the inquisitorto confess my heresy comes to mind. My very life is a blasphemous sinaccording to the strict rules of the church.How has my life turned out so bad? My only sin was that I was the son ofJane Gray. Why was that such an awful thing?Authors note..
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